Merlin Meme Day 12: Crickets

Day 12: Favourite Gaius moment

I really cannot think of one.

I mean, I've been giving this some thought for a while now - you can tell because I'm about two weeks behind on this freaking meme - and I honestly can't think of a single moment where Gaius really made me feel something.

I re-watched Le Morte D'Arthur, actually, thinking, surely there was something in there that I would have liked from Gaius, like, I don't know, the fact that he sacrifices himself for Merlin. But even that was boring. Half the confrontation between him and Nimueh is him staring at her with the Eyebrow of Doom. And, I mean, this is probably because I'm predisposed to disliking Gaius, but the fact that he hesitates so much when Nimueh asks him if he's really prepared to die for his cause? I understand a bit of hesitation, sure, but she asks him three times. It's like a minute's worth of Gaius staring uncertainly at her. Like, you've already come to the Isle of the Blessed and everything, dude. Don't you think it's a little late to be having second thoughts? Don't you think you're committed by now?

If I absolutely had to pick one, it's probably somewhere in A Remedy to Cure All Ills. That was an interesting re-watch. (Although it does occur to me that I perhaps liked it less because of Gaius but more because it was refreshing to see an episode where the choice is Merlin or Uther and Merlin's completely unaware of it, rather than Merlin making the choice of [insert magic user here] or Uther). Or maybe somewhere in Love in the Time of Dragons, which I've found enjoyable every time I watched it. But, yet again, nothing particularly comes to mind.

I'm sorry. I can't think of a particularly meaty moment for Gaius (those are the ones I like). I think that probably has to do with the fact that he lacks substance as a character in general.

Sorry. I've got nothing for Day 12.

I'm going to use my Get Out of Jail Free card here. And how fitting that it's on the Gaius day, since that seems to be his specialty.

Merlin Meme Day 11: Morgana's Desc-Ending

Day 11: Favourite Morgana moment

(I'm really sorry for that pun I'll see myself out).

This is probably not an answer that most people share with me, but do you guys remember that moment in The Diamond of the Day, where she's sitting on her throne and, after being informed that Arthur hasn't been found, screams, "I WANT HIM DEAD!"

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

And it's all about the delivery here. When you're reading it it just looks like a villain having a villainous tantrum, but that isn't what you get from hearing it. It's desperation, and fury, and soul-wrenching brokenness.

I love it.

And I love it because Morgana does manage to break my heart a little, even after everything she's done and all the various horrors she's wreaked. This character, who used to be such a one-sided villain, suddenly fleshed herself out in season 5, and it was both saddening and intriguing when that fleshing out only revealed just how far she'd plunged.

This scene is all about her madness. And I might have been the only one, but that was something that made Morgana interesting to me again. As much as I enjoyed watching her slink around with super-obvious evil smirks on her face through season 3, or watching her lurk around forests and yell at Agravaine through season 4, season 5 is the first time, to me, that we get an actual look at Morgana from a perspective other than "she's just evil now." Because it showed that she does still love - Mordred and Aithusa being a case in point - and though her madness is alienating, it's also humanizing, in that it allows her to betray emotion that doesn't circle around smugness or contempt.

I also love how they've set this up. Because Morgana is sitting on some throne in a castle that no longer means anything to anyone. She looks like she should be powerful, sitting in a throne like that and having people (the Saxons?) answer to her. But the problem is that everyone knows it doesn't mean anything, that the throne she's sitting on doesn't hold any real power. It's a parody of power. And that's reflected the moment she opens her mouth - "I WANT HIM DEAD!"  - it sounds powerful, but the way she delivers it, so desperately, it only underlines how powerless she truly is. She couldn't kill Emrys, she couldn't kill Arthur, she couldn't save Mordred. In all likelihood, this is the most powerless we've ever seen Morgana. Ever.

Which is why this moment is all about her humanness as well. Because we all know that this isn't just about wanting Arthur's throne anymore. Arthur killed Mordred, and Morgana saw Mordred as kin. This moment has the grief from Mordred's death - one of the only people, probably the only person, we ever see Morgana care about since Morgause died.

And it's interesting that Morgana's version of mourning - for of course, this is what she's still doing - is diving headfirst into rage. Distraction, I suppose. I mean, Morgana's emotional and mental strings have been fairly frayed for the entirety of season 5 - I think we all knew that she wasn't all there way back in Arthur's Bane, during the "I want to watch crows feast on his eyes" speech. But Mordred's death is the final straw. Any semblance of sanity that Morgana had left - I think we all know that it's gone now.

And while the destiny that Morgana got is sad, I do find it intriguing.

And I do adore the contrast between this final version of Morgana and the one in early seasons. The elegant, flirtatious, and compassionate lady who lived in Camelot is completely unrecognizable from this lunatic priestess, and yet how she got there does make sense to me. I actually buy her descent. And that's why this moment is so interesting and rich to me - it encapsulates everything that ever went wrong for this character.

And it actually made me think about that in a way that most of Morgana's tantrums don't. It actually made me feel something for her in a way that most of her tantrums don't. I honestly felt pure sympathy the first time I watched it, and that's a pretty unique reaction to invoke from a character screaming about murdering one of the heroes of the story.

It's because we know it doesn't matter - Morgana's failed. She's lost the cohesion that was keeping her mind together, and she's lost the battle against Emrys, and going on to try to kill Arthur - she isn't a threat anymore. She's just a lost soul who for so long has dedicated her existence to beating Arthur out of the throne - generally by murder - that it's gotten to the point that she no longer knows how to do anything else. It's been pretty much her sole purpose, and now she's failed and she either doesn't realize it or refuses to accept it. I didn't look on her as evil anymore, I looked on her as pathetic (and not in a contemptuous way - more in a "oh my lost child" kind of way).

And that still isn't positive, but it made her a lot more human to me, and that's what makes character interesting.

And basically, I just thought it was a really good moment of characterization and a look at how deluded and crazy our poor Morgana has become. And I'm a big fan of descent arcs, and this moment summed hers up for me. So of course I loved it.

I apologize for my morbid taste in character moments.

Merlin Meme Day 10: Lamia Hath No Fury

Day 10: Favourite Gwen moment

I need to start thinking about these beforehand.

I honestly don't know.

OH HOLD ON I TOTALLY DO.

Remember that time in Lamia, where, after a few days of being pushed aside and belittled and, if you're Merlin, almost killed, by the knights because of the Lamia, they're in the abandoned castle thingy. Merlin is getting attacked by the monster. And Gwen goes berserk. "STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"

Apologies for the hyper-edited screencap, but it was too dark to even see anything with the original lighting.

I have a weakness for the Lamia episode, despite most calling it probably the weakest episode of season 4.

I like this episode, and I love Gwen throughout this episode, and this moment is everything.

Because this is the perfect example of Gwen being fiercely loyal and kind in a way that has another awesome element of her defying expectations - in this case, because she's a decent fighter, something which Arthur apparently doesn't remember from The Moment of Truth.

And Gwen is all about defying expectations, if usually not in this way. Firstly because she has a way of telling Arthur what he needs to hear instead of what he wants to - one of the only people who properly do. Secondly, because of her surprisingly wise counsel concerning affairs that, by rights, she shouldn't really know anything about - think The Darkest Hour, when Agravaine actually takes her advice regarding letting people in or not. Gwen has been defying expectations for a long time, but usually it's about the things she says. This is the first time she does so so blatantly, and also the first time that it specifically puts her outside the idea that she's valuable for purely counselling purposes. (And Arthur later remarks that she was equal to one of his knights.)

Also, this is one of the few "favourite character moments" that I like not only despite the fact that it involves another character, but also because it does - Gwen's arc is all about other people, and how she treats them, and her defense of Merlin is a great reflection of that. Not only because it shows her kindness and loyalty, but because it completely contrasts how other people have been treating Merlin and her for the entire episode.

As you'll know if you've seen the episode, the knights get basically brainwashed by the Lamia, and everyone's affected except Gwen and Merlin. Gwen, presumably, because she's a woman, and Merlin because he has magic, I guess? Anyway, where the knights had previously been defending and respecting Merlin and Gwen, suddenly they're belittling and threatening them. (And it's another testament to Gwen's ability to sense the atmosphere, because she keeps quiet where Merlin keeps trying to convince the knights and gets in even more trouble). Gwen watches this, and obviously her frustration is building up when the two of them keep not being heard, but because she is smart, she keeps quiet so as not to make it worse.

But when that freaking octopus creature is attacking Merlin, she lets out all her frustration in a moment that is so selfless and loyal and fierce and Gwen. And I cheer.

Because, see, when it gets down to it, Gwen is a protector. Whether it's The Darkest Hour and she's protecting the people from the Dorocha, or it's The Witchfinder and she's protecting Gaius, or The Castle of Fyrien and she's protecting her brother, or The Poisoned Chalice and she's protecting/tending to Merlin, or this episode, where she is first protecting the villagers, then Lamia herself, and then Merlin. Gwen is about protecting people, and usually she's able to do that in subtler ways, but that doesn't work here. And it's never been pointed out so blatantly before now that Gwen isn't just about smarts, but also very very much about heart.

The other thing is that Gwen is starting to catch on to Merlin here. It's a bit of a shame that it's never properly brought up again, actually, because Gwen definitely knows that there's something up with Merlin. Think of the line, "It's the way she looks at you, Merlin. As if you were the enemy." She's a half-step away from figuring it out, and I wouldn't be surprised if Gwen had already begun to draw her own conclusions.

But she still jumps to defend Merlin, and very passionately so. Because Gwen is loyal, and this is Merlin, and it doesn't matter if there's something up with him because Gwen's instincts are all about being a fierce and protective friend and it's wonderful.

On a shallower note, Gwen is a badass. Even Arthur, in his own way, is like "Damn, my girlfriend's a badass." Gwen doesn't fight very often - I think it happened in three episodes through the series - but she's actually competent at it, in a way that even Merlin isn't, and that's just a nice thing to see on a show where one of the main characters (Arthur) spends so much time saying things like "Don't be such a girl."

Basically this moment represents everything I love about Gwen. And it had a bit of a girl power element to it without it being just for the sake of girl power - it had emotional weight behind it. And I just really loved this moment a lot. Gwen is my hero.

Super Quick

So the meme's being postponed just slightly. Real life has started again, school's up and running, and I'm having trouble regaining that balancing act that I so took for granted these past months. I swear, I've never been more exhausted in my life.

 So, yes, a couple of my Merlin meme posts are late. But I promise that I'll work on catching up, meaning that you'll probably get more than one post per day until I do. And that'll be fun, right?

I just really need sleep.

Merlin Meme Day 9: Heralding a New Age

Day 9: Favourite Arthur moment

Yeah, this is where I have trouble. Not because he doesn't have good moments, but because it's hard to pinpoint one that I think of as the quintessential Arthur-made-me-feel-something moment. Only that it was probably in season 4.

Hm. I dunno.

I'm going to go with that bit in A Herald of a New Age. I think we all know what bit I'm talking about. Where Arthur pours his heart out to a possessed Elyan. Where Arthur thinks he's about to be executed by a vengeful ghost and ends up being forgiven.

I remember finding this whole moment incredibly surprising when I first watched it, and the reason for that is because this reveals a nature about Arthur that we haven't really seen in the past, at least, not in this much depth.

First of all: again, context is important. For the entire episode, the people around Arthur (and we, as the audience) have been led to believe that the massacre that happened in that spot with all the flags was Uther's doing. It's very much something Uther would do, after all. The revelation that it was not Uther's order but Arthur's puts the entire thing in a new light. He talks about trying to impress his father, trying to prove himself to his men. Which are both understandable, considering Arthur's complicated relationship with, well, most of the world, but doesn't in any way excuse him. The acts committed here are implied to be completely irredeemable.

And what struck me was that Arthur knows that. He mentions these pieces of his perspective, but only weakly, and the desperation with which he says them shows that he knows that it excuses nothing.

It's also an interesting insight into the sort of upbringing Arthur had. I realize that isn't probably the main thing we're supposed to take from this, and I'll get to the important stuff in a moment, but I found it very interesting to think of a younger Arthur trying to impress his father and choosing to raid a Druid camp. This is the Arthur who equates magic with evil, after all. But he does say that he told them not to kill women and children, and that he knows that not everyone complied by that - probably because he was just a stupid kid at the time, and what right does he have to be giving orders, right? There is a certain mercy in his intentions, even believing that by nature they were evil, and a certain helplessness to stop the chaos that ended up ensuing when he found he couldn't control his men. There's just so much rich characterization here.

But leaving that aside for a moment, I find it interesting that this is one of my favourites, in comparison to what my favourite Merlin moment was. My Merlin moment was all about him returning to who he was and has always been. In a way, this is too - in some ways, Arthur is still the young man who asks for mercy even on those who he sees as irredeemable, and that's part of who he was and will always be, but in another way, his moment represents all the ways that Arthur is different from the one who appeared early on. An earlier Arthur certainly wouldn't have sympathized with a Druid, would probably have disguised his fear with hatred. But not only does Arthur sympathize with this Druid, who has already taken over the body of one of his knights and made several attempts on his life - it is Arthur who asks the Druid for forgiveness.

And, even more importantly, in my eyes, Arthur completely puts himself at the mercy of the Druid.

I can't remember whether he enters unarmed or if he throws down his sword, but either way, he doesn't have a weapon when he faced possessed!Elyan. Then he gets on his knees and makes his plea. And let's not get it twisted - this is not an explanation, this is a plea for forgiveness and for his life. Even when Elyan picks up the sword and makes as if to kill him, Arthur doesn't move to defend himself. He takes a few, bracing breaths, clearly panicking, but not willing to undo what he's just done in offering himself in total humility to the wronged party.

There's just a certain justice that Arthur surely must be aware of in peacefully offering his own life in a place where so many were lost in battle on his orders.

It's also, notably, a distinctly not Uther-like thing to do. As we know, Uther yields to no one, even when they're right, even if yielding is perhaps tactically the strongest way to go. This is the main thing that Arthur understands better than Uther ever did.

And in this way, Arthur does strengthen himself - if he's no longer at war with Druid-kind, at least, then that's one less war to fight, isn't it? Regardless of whether or not he agrees with the Druids, and it's fairly clear that he really doesn't, it's been shown (sporadically) that Arthur does respect them as a people. And while offering himself doesn't take back everything he did, it does mean something.

The other reason I like this above all the others is that it's one of the only moments I can think of where Arthur wins his own victory, and it's properly his. Pulling Excalibur out of the stone is often thought of as his turning-point moment, and in terms of that episode, it was, but my problem with that is that it isn't truly Arthur's victory. The fact that Merlin is stage-managing the whole thing makes it extremely satisfactory on Merlin's behalf, and I enjoyed that about it greatly, but it makes Arthur a pawn. No, Arthur may have thought he won that round, but he didn't. Merlin did.

But that isn't the same here. Here Arthur manages to make peace without A) Merlin's advice, save the constant reminders that mercy sometimes equals strength, which Arthur clearly applies here, but wasn't taken for this instance, or B) Merlin's magic, which, while Merlin is present, he seems far too gobsmacked to properly react.

Which makes this moment completely all about Arthur in a way that most of his moments aren't.

Which means that when Arthur earns the forgiveness of the Druid it was on his merit, and his merit alone.

And that's somewhat gratifying, since it does prove that Arthur's kingly instincts are decent without Merlin back-seat driving the entire time. Obviously Arthur needs Merlin, but it's nice to see that he can prove himself to be human and vulnerable and gentle when the time calls for it on his own account. Merlin isn't just molding him - Arthur does in fact have the stuff to be the Once and Future King.

On a different note, I go on and on about Colin Morgan's amazing acting, but Bradley James deserves kudos for this scene as well. Arthur doesn't get as much emotionally charged stuff as Merlin, but when he does, Bradley James does a fantastic job.

Basically, this was the first time that I felt something about this show that was completely about Arthur. And it surprised me how much I loved it.

Merlin Meme Day 8: The Diamond of All Moments

Day 8: Favourite Merlin moment

Weirdly, this is one of those really specific ones that I know right off the top of my head.

You know that bit in The Diamond of the Day, where Merlin is in the cave and he doesn't think he has any magic left in him? And then ghost!Balinor gives him that whole spiel about how he is magic and he can't lose what he is. And then that thing happens. Where he opens his hands, and the butterfly comes out.

I cannot even begin to express how much I love this, but why don't I give a shot?

So, for one thing, the context. For the entirety of season 5, Merlin has been forced to repeatedly defy himself. He becomes so intensely focused on saving Arthur that he allows himself to suffer for it. This is especially obvious in episodes like The Disir, where he has a chance to show Arthur a different side of magic and threw it away for fear that it would be Arthur's death (which doesn't really fit with the revelation that Arthur is his own bane, but that's just another example of Merlin not having big-picture vision where he should, which I talked about in Day 2). But there are other instances like that as well, and not only in season 5 - the other obvious one being The Sins of the Father. But season 5 really struck me was the one where Merlin is repeatedly faced with doing the opposite of what he believes - our idealist hero chooses to refuse to save Mordred because of what he might, possibly do, and when he takes a moment to do the thing he does believe to be right in helping that "druid" boy, it backfires dramatically and he ends up nearly dying because of it. Not to mention one of the few good things Merlin managed last season, Aithusa, is actually an enemy now. Magic in general, something which is so huge for him and so essential to his being, is just generally not working out for him at this point in his journey.

And that ends up being reflected in how he uses magic. Because near the beginning of the series, the magic truly was part of him, and whenever you saw him using it you saw him enjoying it. Obviously there were times when he was using it because he had to, but not always. I think of The Moment of Truth, in the moment where he makes the Pendragon dragon in the embers of the fire. Or the horse in the smoke in The Witchfinder. He wasn't doing these things because he had to, he did them because magic isn't just a tool for him at this point. He did them because he's passionate about magic, and would find any chance to use it. This is the Merlin who said the words, "If I can't use magic, what have I got? [...] If I can't use magic, I might as well die."

Ouchies, considering the events of the first part of The Diamond of the Day.

But the point is, you don't see stuff like that through most of season 5 (or really, much anywhere past season 2, to be honest). You don't even notice him enjoying it that much in season 5, which is one thing that's distinctly different from the other seasons. It's simply a necessary tool for him, just something else in his arsenal to help him protect Arthur. 

Because there's one other thing that makes this moment great, and that's that for the previous season, Merlin has become increasingly obsessed with protecting Arthur - to the point of it not even being entirely justified anymore. Even when he loses his magic, which would have absolutely devastated a younger Merlin to the core - and this Merlin certainly isn't happy about it, but his biggest woe seems to be that he's useless without it, rather than it being a part of him. It isn't, "Who am I without it?" It's "I can't protect Arthur without it." He puts Arthur so much above himself that it's concerning. 

And now, Merlin knows that there's a battle coming, that Arthur is probably in the gravest danger he's ever been in (considering the likelihood of prophecies regarding Mordred coming true), and that he, Merlin, is far away and unable to directly help. 

But in the moment he recovers his magic, none of that matters. He doesn't jump into protection right away. He doesn't use his magic like a tool. 

He closes his hands, and when he opens them, a butterfly comes out. 

It's been so terribly long since we saw Merlin do something, well, beautiful with his magic. It's also been a long time since we saw that kind of happiness on Merlin's face. This Merlin was always there, the passionate, joyful one - that's the one at the heart of everything, but it's been so terribly long since we saw that rise to the surface. And it's just so inherently Merlin - it's just the loveliest reminder of how sweet-natured a being he really is, when he has a moment to let himself be. It's like, this is who Merlin is in the dark. He isn't naturally the cynical, somewhat Machiavellian soldier that his circumstances have forced him to be. This is how he thinks of magic - a thing of beauty. 

And it doesn't matter that in the next moment he's leaping into action to help Arthur, because fine, that's his duty, his destiny, if you must. The point is, he had that moment of love and joy for magic that he hasn't had since Aithusa was hatched. He had that moment of loving it for what it was instead of using it for its convenience.

And when he loves magic, he loves himself. In that moment, it's like he redeemed himself of all the times he ignored his own principles. Because this was a moment where he was really, unequivocally being true to himself, for the first time in a long, long time. 

Remembering that at Merlin's core, he is actually full of passion and love - that is just really important to me. 

Unrelatedly, the whole thing was beautifully shot. I love the lighting. I love how they've sort of camouflaged him into the crystal cave, colour wise, but he's still sharp and clear. It's beautiful. 

And, basically, I just thought the whole thing was the loveliest thing I've ever seen. 

Merlin Meme Day 7: Mostly Beast, Not Much Beauty

Day 7: Least favourite episode

Do y'all remember that time Uther married a troll?

Yeah, Beauty and the Beast was really not my favourite thing. 

And the thing is, the actors did a really great job with what they were given, I think. The actress who played Catrina/the troll was really enjoyable, and seemed to be having a great time with it. I love the way she'd just sort of completely transform herself whenever she was the troll versus when she was Catrina. It was very physical, and very committed, and I was impressed. She was wonderful.

The other characters also had some pretty good moments, I have to say. The misunderstandings continue between Arthur and Merlin, Arthur stands up to his father, etc.

The thing is, I just really can't stand how it was written. I usually enjoy the show's humour, and I'm used to it giving me juvenile humour sometimes, but one thing I could have gone my whole life without seeing was an hour and half's worth of fart jokes. 

Really, Merlin writers? This was our first two-parter? The one with the most fart sound effects ever used in a single episode of television?

I just can't stand TV where I'm cringing the entire time. I get physically uncomfortable. 

And I'm not even going to go into everything wrong with the scene where Uther takes the troll to bed... I've been repressing those memories. Eugh. 

There's really not much more to say. The fact that I'm cringing the entire time, and there's no real forward motion for any character's arcs, and I can't even think of a single thing that Morgana or Gwen did the entire episode, and one of the bad guys inexplicably had a tail...? Like, what was he supposed to be? 

There's just too much about it that I found irredeemable, and it totally outweighed the good things about it. If that had been the first episode I'd seen, I never would have watched this show again. 

Honestly. How young did they think their audience was? Even other kid's shows don't go overboard like this. And I should know, I watch my fair share of kid's shows. 

Just... God. What were they thinking?

Merlin Meme Day 6: No Love in the Time of Dragons

Day 6: Least favourite character

I'm assuming this refers to the main cast and/or recurring characters.

And in that case, I'm going to have to go with Gaius.

Uh oh, he's giving me the Eyebrow of Doom.

I say Gaius because I have this problem with him where he's supposed to be this wise mentor figure, (and Merlin clearly thinks he is), but actually spends a good deal of the time not having a clue what he's doing, and then acting as if he's right.

For instance, the ever-talked-of issue about Morgana in season 2. Now, whether or not I think Merlin was to blame for Morgana's descent because of what he did or didn't do (spoiler alert: I don't), Gaius does actually have something to answer for here. And that's that he knew that Morgana had magic. And he refused to tell her, citing the "for her own good" spiel.

Which is pretty stupid, considering that A) even if Morgana was unaware of Merlin, Gaius does actually have prior experience protecting people from Uther's anti-magic laws and could have helped without endangering himself, since everyone already knows that he used to practise magic. And B): he already knows that Morgana's magic is out of control, and he knows that the only way Merlin got his own magic under control was learning how to harness it. And yet Gaius refuses to put two and two together here and help Morgana come to terms with herself.

Gaius also has a way of being willfully blind to certain things, and this becomes really irritating when Merlin, who is sort of the idealist to Gaius's realist, ends up being berated for following his morals - how can he not be like Gaius, who has had so much practice doing nothing about the horrible things Uther's done? Granted, that was how Gaius survived the Great Purge, but it seems to have developed into a habit.

And I'd be able to accept that - after all, the character flaws and distorted perceptions are often what make characters most interesting - except that the narrative seems determined to insist that Gaius Is Always Right. (When, actually, more often than not, the Great Dragon actually has more useful advice - not always, but often). But there's another, bigger, more real problem I have with Gaius, and it's this:

Gaius just bores me.

I've seen two, maybe three facial expressions from him. And that's not really the character's fault - the writers don't give him much to do besides read what the Monster of the Week is to Merlin out of a dusty-looking tome, and then make some happy-slappy joke at the end of the episode - and especially in the last couple seasons, Gaius is mostly useless. I completely accept that he was needed near the beginning, because Merlin needed someone to know who he was and to help him come into himself. But after that's been accomplished - and I think that happens fairly early, The Last Dragonlord representing the most significant first step in that direction - Gaius doesn't have much left to do. In fact, I fully expected him to be killed off before the end of the series. How great of a catalyst would that have been for Merlin to seek out Morgana? How great would it have been to see Merlin fight Morgana not with the usual righteousness, but with his own darkness? Then, perhaps, Gaius's character would have served an actual emotional purpose, rather than acting as exposition personified.

But I digress slightly. The point is, I think that after, say, season 3 (season 4 at the very latest), the show could have gone on pretty fine without him. And when a character gets to the point where they contribute pretty much nothing to my enjoyment of the show, it gets very difficult for me to support them.

Sorry, Gaius. You mean well, but that alone really isn't enough.

However, even I must admit: your eyebrows are impressive.

Merlin Meme Day 5: Do You Think I Sit Around Doing Nothing?!

Day 5: Favourite quote

I honestly have no idea.

I could go, "Nobility is defined by what you do, not by who you are," from Gwaine, because he's basically stating one of the main themes of the whole show.

I could go, "The love that binds us is more important than the power we wield," from Mordred, because it's another of those Name That Theme ones, and also because I really like Mordred.

But to be honest, it's probably just something stupid, like, "Merlin, is there anything you're actually capable of doing?" "Putting up with you." Or, you know, something like that.

I don't know.

OH WAIT I DO KNOW.

The Once and Future Queen brings us this gem, which makes me laugh and also makes me sympathetic.

Gaius: Where do you get the idea you can sit around all day doing nothing?

Ooh. Wrong thing to say, Gaius.

Merlin: Do you think I sit around doing nothing? I haven't had a chance to sit around and do nothing since the day I arrived in Camelot! I'm too busy running around after Arthur. Do this, Merlin. Do that, Merlin. And when I'm not running around after Arthur, I'm doing chores for you! And if I'm not doing that, I'm fulfilling my destiny! Do you know, how many times I've saved Arthur's life? I've lost count! Do I get any thanks? No! I have fought griffins, witches erm… bandits! I have been punched, poisoned, pelted with fruit and all the while, I have to hide who I really am because if anyone finds out, Uther will have me executed! Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions, I don't know which way to turn!

I like it because it makes me laugh, but also because I relate. I think everyone's felt stressed like that, and I straight-up cheered when Merlin did this (even though I'm pretty sure the point wasn't how correct Merlin was, but at this point I find the intent unimportant) because poor kid, his frustration here is earned and his right to complain hard-won. 

Basically what I'm saying is this: I feel you, Merlin. And that's why I know this bit by heart. 

Merlin Meme Day 4: The One Where Arthur Isn't a Complete Tool

Day 4: Favourite scene

Weirdly enough, I know this one right off the top of my head.

It's the one at the end of The Lady of the Lake. Merlin has just witnessed the death of the Druid girl he was going to run away with. And then this happens:

I love this scene a lot, for a few different reasons.

First of all, and most prominently, I am all about bromance. It is what I live for, the reason I breathe. So the fact that this is one of the most bromantic things ever just makes me so warm and fuzzy inside.

But let's look a little deeper, because that's what I do. In fact, screw brevity. Let's do a blow-by-blow analysis.

So, let's just start with that endless line of boots that Merlin has to scrub. I have to see it as symbolic. It's just hammering into his head exactly the life he was going to leave behind with Freya - one where he's "destined" (read: doomed) to serve Arthur, who for the entire episode is an ungrateful, inconsiderate prat (and as far as I'm concerned, this is the only episode where that's justified, since it actually makes a point here). Merlin will do the dirty work for Arthur and Arthur will refuse to acknowledge him as anything beyond a buffoon, and that'll go on for the rest of Merlin's foreseeable future.

Enter Arthur. Now, Arthur is by no means the most perceptive of characters, but when Merlin snaps at him how he does - something so unusual for the warm, clumsy servant that Arthur's come to know - even Arthur realizes that something's wrong. So Arthur does something very important here.

He brings himself down to Merlin's level.

He sits next to Merlin. They are on equal ground. Merlin no longer has to look up to Arthur to talk to him. That's a pretty important thing, for a show that puts such emphasis on class distinctions. It effectively undoes the power imbalance that's such a huge part of how these two interact.

And then he takes it a step further. "Something's been upsetting you, hasn't it?"

This is so significant because how many times has Arthur confided in Merlin about things that have been upsetting him? A good few. But he usually seems unsure how to take it when Merlin decides to share things about himself in return, and when that happens, it's usually followed by a pretty hasty re-establishing of the social order. This is the first time that I can think of that Arthur wholeheartedly invites Merlin to express himself as a person, rather than as his servant.

"Maybe." Merlin being cold makes my heart hurt, but considering what happened this episode, and considering what a jerk Arthur was this episode, you can't really expect him to react any differently. The fact that it's a maybe, though, and the fact that he hesitates definitely shows that Merlin doesn't quite know what to do with this weird semblance of concern from Arthur.

"Was it when I threw water over you?"

Okay, so this is such a prime example of Arthur severely missing the point, but to be fair, Arthur just doesn't have a clue what Merlin went through the past few days. And to his credit, he seems to recognize that his treatment of Merlin has been bordering on cruelty, and realize how that could make him upset. He even acknowledges, out loud, that his behaviour toward Merlin has been unfair. And interestingly, while Arthur, through no fault of his own, misses the whole story, he isn't entirely wrong either - the whole episode is about Merlin escaping his destiny and the currently unfulfilling life that Camelot offers him, and Arthur's refusal to recognize him is a large part of what Merlin was trying to escape.

Merlin laughs lightly before saying, "Wasn't very nice." Merlin knows that Arthur is missing the point, and that he can't exactly correct him on it. But in spite of Arthur getting it pretty wrong, he accepts Arthur's version of things, because it's the easy thing, and probably because he knows that this is the closest he'll ever get to an apology from him for the foreseeable future. And that apology is a really important step in mending the chasm that's been widening between them for most of the season.

"It was a bit unfair. Like when you called me fat?" Arthur is so incompetent about feelings, poor guy. He just can't maintain an emotional conversation without redirecting it somewhere more comfortable for him - in this case, blaming Merlin for something. Which is a nice reminder that the communication between Arthur and Merlin has been painfully awful this season, and they rarely truly understand each other when they interact - the fat gag being an example and a continuation of that trend. And that might undercut the good stuff that's happening here, except for what happens next.

Merlin takes it lightly here, which is good because I think that's how it was meant, and responds with a sincere-sounding, "Why was that unfair?"

Arthur leaps to his own defense. "Because I am not - !" But then, in a nice turn of events that signals the rebuilding of their communication, Arthur catches that Merlin had, in fact, been joking, instead of insulting him - it's the first time in a while that Arthur and Merlin are on the same page about what's going on between them.

Commence the affectionate noogie-ing. Merlin isn't always pleased with Arthur's version of cheering people up - Love In the Time of Dragons comes to mind, when Arthur punches him in the arm and Merlin goes, "How is punching me in the arm meant to cheer me up?" - but this is a scene where they've built an actual connection for once, and Merlin actually understands what Arthur's doing, and how it's meant. The whole thing is all very brotherly (I've done similar things to my own little brother, so there's that), and that's lovely.

Anyway, Merlin ends up smiling despite himself. "That's better," Arthur says. "Thanks," Merlin replies uncertainly. I definitely get the feeling that Merlin is thanking Arthur for actually caring more than anything else - it's not like he did much for Merlin's general situation - but at the same time isn't entirely sure what to do with this distinctly un-prat-like Arthur.

Anyway, he's still smiling, which Arthur takes as his cue to commend himself on a job well done (Merlin isn't sad anymore, right?) and re-establish the social order as we know it. That's how these scenes usually end, and it tends to be a little unsatisfying, but not so here. Partly because of the breakthrough that the boys made here concerning how they view each other, but more importantly, because I spy symbolism. Merlin still has his chores to do - Arthur gives him even more before he leaves. He still has this life he has to live in Camelot. But it's the beginning of him maybe discovering that this life isn't terrible by necessity, and that there is a future here. Arthur spends a lot of the episode representing the things that Merlin resents about his destiny, and at the end, he tentatively comes to terms with it. It's a surprising high note for an episode that tore my heart to pieces.

Basically, I love that Arthur is actually trying, for once, to mend the gap between them (because let's face it, it has to be Arthur who takes the first step - Merlin's intentions would have been inevitably misunderstood, mostly because of Arthur's woefully inaccurate perception of his servant) and Merlin accepts it. There's actually a surprising amount going on here.

And, of course, this scene warms my heart, and makes me smile like a loon every time I see it. And that's really the most important thing.

Merlin Meme Day 3: The One With Fifty Shades of Mergana

Day 3: Favourite episode

AAAAAH. HOW DO I CHOOSE?

I'll name a few of my ultimate favourites, and let's see if I can narrow it down. Not an exhaustive list, mind you; just the ones that stick out in my mind as ones I really really loved when I saw.

1x04 - The Poisoned Chalice. In which everyone is wonderful to watch, Gwen kisses Merlin, and Uther is the master of short-sightedness.

2x07 - The Witchfinder. In which everyone's in actual danger and Gaius actually manages to get some of my sympathy. Also, Merlin has a very dark sense of humour, as demonstrated via toads.

2x09 - The Lady of the Lake. In which my heart goes out to Merlin, and Freya makes me melt.

3x04 - Gwaine. In which the class distinctions couldn't have been clearer if they were burned into my retinas, and Arthur is, as usual, oblivious.

3x08 - The Eye of the Phoenix. In which Merlin gathers his drunkest friend for a rescue mission, Gwen figures out Morgana isn't all she seems, and Arthur is, as usual, oblivious.

3x12-13 - The Coming of Arthur. In which the knights of the Round Table become a thing, Merlin is surprisingly competent at sword-fighting, Freya reappears, and Morgana becomes very good at the dramatic entrance and exit.

4x01-02 - The Darkest Hour. In which Morgause can't even die without furthering her own agenda, and Merlin repeatedly fails in his mission to get himself killed on Arthur's behalf, but not for lack of trying.

4x04 - Aithusa. In which Merlin's love for dragons makes me warm and fuzzy inside, but the knights piss me off.

4x06 - A Servant of Two Masters. In which everyone, including Morgana, are interesting, and Merlin is the worst assassin to walk the earth.

4x07 - The Secret Sharer. In which there is wonderful tension between everyone, and Alator of the Catha's only redemption is that Morgana is terrible at taking hints.

4x12-13 - The Sword in the Stone. In which Merlin discovers he's very good at stage managing things so Arthur thinks he's a hero, and Arthur is, as usual, oblivious.

5x08 - The Hollow Queen. In which Merlin's compassion comes back to bite him in a way I've been waiting for ever since Morgana went bad.

5x09 - With All My Heart. In which I love Mordred more than I anticipated, and Merlin continues his hobby of trying on dresses in his spare time.

5x12-13 - The Diamond of the Day. In which my heart cries almost as much as Merlin does.

You can see why this is difficult for me.

But, well, let's think. My ideal episode would have equal balance of humour and sincerity, character moments and plot movement. Make me laugh, make me hurt, and make me think - that's the goal.

At a quick evaluation of all the episodes on this list, there's only one that totally fits my ideal properly, and that's A Servant of Two Masters.

This was pretty close to a perfect episode in that all the major characters got really good character moments. I live for things like Merlin and Arthur's friendship bit at the beginning  - it always warms my heart, and is a pretty successful mislead considering where the episode ends up going. Arthur also spends the episode trying to figure out who to trust - it's a rather background plot, but a nice one, and it has the added enjoyment of all the dramatic irony that ensues when Merlin is attempting to assassinate him the entire time and Arthur is, as usual, oblivious.

Morgana is also surprisingly interesting through the episode - throughout her villainous run, she was only sporadically interesting to me, but she stepped it up here. Her bit about not having anyone left to be loyal to was unusually revealing, both about Morgana's capacity to loyalty (which we know from the way she idolized Morgause, though Merlin has no way of knowing that) and about her grief concerning Morgause's death. It also speaks to how contemptuously she regards Agravaine, as he's clearly not worth being loyal to. I also find the intentional closeness to Merlin interesting to note - I have to interpret it as some sort of psychological game, especially when you consider that even though she doesn't spend nearly as much time trying to kill Merlin, she does most certainly loathe him (since he, y'know, poisoned her that one time). Also, the fact that she tells Merlin her whole plan is either very Bond-villain, or - and this is the explanation I like - a way to make Merlin feel helpless before he's brainwashed. In fact, the entire scheme can be interpreted that way. And then, her terror when Emrys shows up... Morgana is a veritable treasure trove of interesting character things this episode.

Gwen takes this opportunity to make herself useful. She and Gaius together figure out that there's something wrong with Merlin and take it upon themselves to help, mostly by knocking him out and then cutting the creature out of him, and of course, knocking him out again. Gwen's comic ability also comes into play here, and I must say, she can be very funny.

As for Merlin, well, most of the interesting things regarding his character has to do with his interactions with the others... mostly Morgana, though the beginning is a good bit with Arthur as well. There's also the interesting thing which is that, by rights, Merlin should actually be a pretty deadly assassin, considering his talents. But then I think of Morgana's, "Everything that makes you Merlin..." spiel, and it occurs to me that the fact that brainwashed!Merlin never thinks to use magic could be implying that it's so intrinsically a part of Merlin, the real Merlin, that it didn't get carried along with the brainwashing. Which is a nice hint at the revelation we get at the end of the series, and not one I expected to find, considering this show's spotty track record regarding continuity.

I suppose the "Everything that makes you Merlin..." thing probably also explains why as an assassin he's so terribly incompetent. Since, you know, his intelligence is one of the things that make him who he is.

Now, here's what most surprised me - Agravaine gets some good character development! I wasn't entirely sure how to interpret his bridal-carrying of Morgana at the end, besides the obvious he-cares-for-Morgana-far-more-than-we-thought-even-though-Morgana-doesn't-care-a-whit-for-him. Then I read somewhere that a season 4 storyline that got largely, but not completely, cut, was that Agravaine was in love with Morgana, and I suppose that was probably the only real way to interpret that anyway, but it just took me so entirely by surprise. Which was nice.

So that's the make-me-think part. What about the rest?

Well, the episode continuously makes me laugh. After Merlin gets returned to Camelot, his out of character activities should have been cringey, but are instead hilarious - probably because of the absolute enthusiasm he does all of it with. You definitely get the impression that Colin Morgan was having some fun this episode.

And then, of course, the scene where Merlin's preparing a bath and Gwen knocks him out only to face a mostly naked Arthur - again, it should have been cringey, but it's just so funny, and the fact that Gaius is just awkwardly hanging around makes it even better.

What about making me hurt?

Well, Merlin and Arthur's talk about cowards and heroes certainly does something to my heart. And the dramatic irony about Arthur considering who he can trust while Merlin repeatedly tries to kill him is amusing, but a little painful on Arthur's behalf - especially considering that pretty much everyone Arthur's ever trusted has betrayed him somehow (or, in the case of Gwen, will betray him before the season's out).

But mostly the hurt comes from Morgana and Merlin. I feel Merlin's pain and his fear and his confusion, when he's captured and not killed. I also find myself feeling for Morgana - verily, life has not treated her well, and this is one of the only episodes that actually makes me consider that about her. And then the big battle at the end, Emrys vs. Morgana - as much as we need Emrys to win, I really feel for Morgana here. Merlin's poisoning of Morgana may have driven her to evil (though I still refuse to believe that Merlin's entirely to blame on that count), but Morgana's absolute terror of Emrys leads me to believe that Emrys is a large part of Morgana losing her mind - he at least contributes to her paranoia.

And that makes me hurt, both for Morgana and Merlin. Morgana because she's completely losing herself and that makes me sad, and Merlin because, given the revelation about Emrys's contribution to Morgana's madness, Merlin appears to be, in a soul-crushing staple of this show, unwittingly making things worse.

Anyways. That's why this is my favourite episode. Makes me laugh, makes me hurt, makes me think. As far as I'm concerned, it's pretty close to a perfect episode.

Also notable about this episode: Merlin wears a purple shirt. Audiences everywhere failed to recognize him.

Also also notable about this episode: Mergana shippers all universally and immediately spotted clips to use in their inevitable vids. Is anyone surprised?

Merlin Meme Day 2: The Last Dragonlord

Day 2: Favourite male character

This isn't even a question. Merlin, of course.

Goofy Merlin and Broody Merlin. I love Merlin.

I realize that probably I should be seen debating between Arthur and Merlin or whatever, but the truth is, it has to be Merlin. While both Arthur and Merlin are complex characters - I'm not denying this - Merlin is just much more interesting to me.

Coming clean here: it's hard for me to know exactly what to write about Merlin because the truth is, everything about him seems so blatantly obvious, and everything I write will probably just seem redundant. I've been thinking for a while now about what exactly it is I should talk about here, why he's my favourite, everything, and it's difficult. But we'll just see how this goes.

So, Merlin was one of those who characters who are hopelessly endearing to me right off the bat, in quite the same way I've talked about how Gwen was. The wide-eyed, delighted kid we met in the pilot was just a treasure to behold, and I adore that the first real introduction we get to him was him saving Gaius's life. His first interaction with Arthur - standing up for the other servant when Arthur was throwing weapons at them, in exactly the same way we see Arthur doing with Merlin later on - was lovely, and something I took at the time to be pure compassion. But now that I've really thought about Merlin's character and the kind of life he must have led even before Camelot, I interpret to be an urge to not allow injustice to those who can't defend themselves.

Which is a little tragic, considering how much he allows himself to be treated like that - I mean, like I said, we see Arthur literally doing exactly the same thing to Merlin that he was doing to that first servant, apparently oblivious to the irony of it, or that impatience for that sort of abuse is the reason he found Merlin interesting to begin with.

The point is this: Merlin hates seeing injustice dealt on others (I think of young!Mordred as my primary example, but I'm quite sure there were others), but puts up with quite a lot himself. He doesn't enjoy it, but he never actively tries to stop it when it's directed at him. Which makes me think that Merlin is probably a walking bag of self-worth issues. And that is a sure-fire, 100% guaranteed way to make me love a character.

I say he has self-worth issues because there are plenty of times when he can not take the abuse, or even take credit for some life-saving thing he's done, but he almost never takes those chances. Which makes me think he's almost punishing himself, or rather, allowing himself to be punished. For instance, Arthur throws things at him quite a lot. Usually for no good reason (is there ever a good reason to throw a goblet at someone's head?). Admittedly, as Dumbledore once pointed out about Neville Longbottom, it's sometimes harder to stick up to your friends than to bullies, and Arthur has been considered as both, but you still can't help but feel that surely there must be something Merlin can say that would remind Arthur the sort of person his manservant actually is? (And I do think that Arthur secretly appreciated Merlin's refusal to put up with his arrogance in the pilot in the same way that he appreciates that Gwen doesn't just tell him what he wants to hear).

Of course, the other thing is that I think that Merlin probably has an instinct to keep his head down, which would be another reason to not stand up to Arthur once they're a consistent part of each other's lives. I mean, it's hard to tell as an audience member given that the show's about him, but Merlin actually isn't terribly well-known, at least, not before Arthur becomes king. (Then Merlin has a relationship with all the primary knights, which brings him a little out of the shadows, to say the least). But think about it - as a magical person, I find it very likely that, especially in the center of magic-hatred (remind me again why Hunith sent him to Camelot, of all places?), his main instinct would be to keep his head down and not draw attention to himself. Which would explain why he insists on playing dumb a good portion of the time. Why he puts up with everything Arthur does to him. And also why Uther never seems to properly recognize him, even though he's by his son's side at least 85% of the time and was hired to be there because he saved Arthur's life. I mean, Uther's also not the greatest example of mental health, but there's something to be said for Merlin's ability to sink into obscurity.

Of course, if he wants to keep his head down, why go starting something with someone who, even if Merlin didn't know was a prince, was clearly a noble? In my mind, it all comes back to the injustice thing, with the justification that Merlin probably didn't anticipate ever having to see that prat again.

But that's just one of the ways (possibly the most important way) that Merlin is a man of contradiction. I think that's one of the main reasons he captivated me far more than Arthur ever did. Merlin is so much more a man of contradictions.

For example, I think that probably one of Merlin's defining traits in the earlier seasons was his warmth. It's what draws Gwen to him, what makes Lancelot comfortable in trusting him, (as with early Morgana and Mordred), what makes him stick out to Freya. It's an important aspect of his character, and one that remains consistent through the series - even in A Lesson in Vengeance, he manages to gain enough of that stablehand's trust to be told that he was put up to it.

Which is why it's so interesting - I mean, also heartbreaking, but interesting nonetheless - to see him be so cold sometimes, particularly toward Mordred in season 5. (And I'm not entirely happy about the approach toward Mordred in the fifth season - a lot of the history between him and the other characters seems to have been erased and/or forgotten, which, then what's the point? But that's a different rant entirely, and the point still stands about Merlin's attitude). And you watch it and go Merlin, this is not the you I know and love, but it isn't out of character either, because at the same time, it's easy to see the dots he's connected to act the way he does.

(Also notable is that by the fifth season, he's gained enough confidence to not do the keep-your-head-down thing all the time, but whenever Mordred is around - a threat not only to Arthur's life, but to Merlin's as well, since he knows who Merlin is - he tends to slip back into it.)

Another of these interesting contradictions is that his goal is supposedly about the freedom of magic-users in the future - a broad goal, of course, and one that requires a big-picture kind of view. Which is why it's so strange, when you think about it, that Merlin is so intensely single-minded.

Which brings me to the idea that's been nagging at me for a while, which is that Merlin goes about a lot of the major problems completely wrong. For instance, he never learns his lesson about self-fulfilling prophecies, even though he had plenty of opportunity. And, well, it just occurs to me that his intense focus on Arthur's safety sometimes causes more problems than it actually solves. For instance, it nearly got him and Arthur killed when Arthur went to reason with Queen Annis in His Father's Son. It caused him to miss his opportunity to maybe begin to convince Arthur about the neutrality of magic in The Disir. It causes him to drag Arthur away from a fight from which the knights escape safely back to Camelot in Arthur's Bane, if I recall correctly.

Which says to me that Merlin has a huge, fatal flaw, and it's hubris. (Which is yet another contradiction, since I still regard him as a string of self-worth issues held together by magic). I say hubris because he tends to go about things like he alone has to decide the fate - or destiny - of everything. Sometimes he has an excuse - in The Disir, he can't very well ask anyone else for help in his moment of sacrifice - but sometimes he doesn't. Gaius spends all of The Crystal Cave trying to warn him about prophecies, and Merlin spends all of it ignoring him. And the issues about nearly being killed at times where it wasn't necessary to be almost-killed, well, it wouldn't have come about if Merlin simply trusted that Arthur knows what he's doing when it comes to things like battle.

I just find Merlin's journey to be so compelling, and as a character, I find him both fascinating and refreshing. I think it's pretty trendy these days to have the main hero be pretty cynical and eye-roll-y, but I fell in love immediately with the young, smiley idealist - to be honest, I relate very much to young, smiley idealists, being one of those myself. I just loved having a character who was heroic, but also warm and funny and humble and principled. (And Merlin's humour is probably one of my favourite things about the show). He was just so very human. And then, to watch Merlin's descent - his fall from grace, if you will, but also, in a way, his rise to power - as much as it broke my heart, it was certainly a captivating journey.

And all this - the contradictions, the journey, the flaws, the complexities - are why Merlin is my favourite male character. And, quite possibly, one of my favourite fictional characters ever.

Merlin Meme Day 1: The Once and Future Queen

Day 1: Favourite female character

Guinevere, queen of my heart. Also of Camelot.

Look, it's Cutie Gwen and Queeny Gwen!

Now, for me it was a close call between Gwen and Morgana. But Morgana has the issue where she became really boring for me throughout season 3 and sporadically through season 4. It was all the smirking. It's hard to stay interesting when your reaction to everything is the same maniacal smirk.

So, even though Morgana made up for all that with her utterly fascinating character development in season 5, Gwen has to win this round. There was just never a time when I was unhappy she was on my screen. I can't say the same for Morgana.

I loved Gwen literally from the first moment she was on my screen. I just couldn't stop smiling through her first interaction with Merlin. She was always the most compassionate character on the show - it's an inherent trait that was clear from the beginning. (She was often out-shined by Morgana, but Morgana was all about grand gestures of compassion and not much else - she saved young Mordred, for instance, one such grand gesture. But when Merlin was poisoned and dying painfully, Morgana did nothing except briefly convince an uncertain Arthur to seek the antidote. Meanwhile, Gwen, in her much less glamorous but arguably more meaningful way, was constantly attending to a feverish and fading Merlin). The constant verbal back-tracking and the adorable flustered-ness she had was just a bonus, and kind of reminded me of early Willow, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Why? I mean hi. Did you want me to move?").

And that all was cute and funny and brought a smile to my face, but does not a rounded character make. Which is why she starts really catching my attention after season 1. Not because of her sudden blooming romance with Arthur, mind you, but because this is when she starts becoming more self-assured, more confident in the powers she possesses and knowing how to use them (she knows just how to convince Arthur to hear Merlin out re: the Witchfinder).

And they keep layering queenly layers through the seasons until season 5. In season 3 she figures out by herself that Morgana has magic (it has always been a mild irritant to me that she never quite managed to do the same with Merlin. The signs are all there. Mind you, Merlin never acted quite as consistently suspicious as the Morgana the Smirking Bandit). She does this without being told by Gaius or recruited by either evil women of the season, and deals with it and Morgana's betrayal in her own shrewd way that definitely contributed to Arthur's ultimate success in the season 3 finale.

The fact that by the time season 4 rolls around, she's considered to be a genuinely wise counselor despite her actual rank of serving girl will always make me happy.

And what all this means is that, by the time she becomes queen, she's a compassionate, self-assured, shrewd, wise ruler, who doesn't necessarily have to take responsibility for Camelot when Arthur goes on one of his endless quests, but she is fully capable of doing so, and she does so quite often and very well.

And she never becomes less interesting with all the power she gains, which is something I find remarkable. If she had, for example, become nothing but an extension of Arthur, a queen who existed only in tandem with her king, not only would I have been terribly disappointed, but it would have bored me to pieces. But because she makes her own decisions while on the throne (arresting Sefa while Arthur was seeking out Morgana comes to mind) and because she never loses the humour I loved about her from the beginning (I have to laugh when she pointedly thanks Merlin for a breakfast Arthur tried to take credit for making) nor the sincerity that made her so strong.

Of course, I may also be slightly biased due to the fact that I have a tendency to love "heart" characters, which Gwen certainly is. I love that her main power is about her moral authority - even though she shares the trait of compassion with Merlin, she's the only one who can look at any given situation and not impose her own agenda on it. (This isn't true all the time, but I'd say most of it). (This also happens to be why I have a tendency to judge people based on how they place Gwen in the inevitable "This is War" Merlin fanvids. You know the bit in the song where they're naming archetypes - the leader, the pariah, the victor, the messiah, etc. The only acceptable place to put Gwen is "The Honest", for this exact reason, and I get disproportionately offended when vids don't comply to my analyses).

Her other strength, of course, is about her reading of other people, which is why her relationships are such an important aspect of her character. And this was something they did well, because her relationships are actually layered and complex and make it interesting for her interpersonally savvy self to navigate.

In terms of her relationships, I adore her friendship with Merlin - they just seem so comfortable as friends, so good about knowing where the other is coming from, even when Merlin isn't always coming completely clean. When she and Arthur started becoming a thing, I was very pleased that the initial attraction wasn't about "hey, he/she's pretty", but about "hey, she's smart and self-possessed and doesn't just tell me what I want to hear/hey, he's listening and learning from what I say and recognizing my validity", because that made it a whole lot more interesting to watch and just made me very happy. As for her, shall we say, rocky relationship with Morgana, it always looked to me that Gwen was everything that Morgana ever wanted to be but never could. Worshiped as queen, respected as a lady, loved for her kindness. And then when Morgana never really gets any of what Gwen has, at least not for long, she acts like she never wanted it anyway and says Gwen is "simple" for it.

And I love that she's a big sister. You can so tell, in her interactions with Elyan, that she's the older sister. As an older sister myself, I suddenly found myself relating to her a whole lot more.

I just find that Gwen is one of those characters who make others better just by being around her. Arthur's growth could probably make a pie chart where some of it is attributed to Merlin, some to Gwen, and probably some to outside forces (like Uther's untimely death). As far as Merlin is concerned, she's usually the one that has him thinking things through - he's used ignoring Gaius on that front, but he always listens to Gwen. Even Morgana had to at least pretend to be a better person than she was (and whether or not she's truly pretending is a question that makes me love The Dark Tower) in order to begin to break through to Gwen, because that's just the sort of thing that she responds to.

That all being said, let's not pretend that Gwen isn't flawed. She wouldn't be interesting to me if she wasn't. 

For example, Gwen is very easily won over by flattery. This is fine when she's Cutie Gwen, because then it's, well, cute, but later on, such as in The Darkest Hour, it becomes a bit of a problem in that Agravaine wins her over with a few comments about how wise she is, allowing her to ignore the fact that he acts mega-creepy every time she's around and that he obviously has his own agenda. The same thing happens later with Helios - she's not completely sucked in, as she feeds him some cock and bull story about how her entire family was murdered and she's on the run or something, but you definitely get the impression she stayed longer at dinner with him than strictly necessary.

She's quick to trust. It's a flaw, especially in a world where every second person is a horrible murderer of some kind, but it's a rather endearing flaw. 

Things that aren't inherently flaws (but can become such if used improperly): her ruthlessness as queen. Arthur can afford to be warm as king because he was born to it, and did all the princely and royal things that cut the path to the throne. But Gwen was born a commoner, other royals are forever watching and judging, and she needs to be showing constantly that she's worthy, and can take that responsibility. And let's face it, if Gwen wasn't as pragmatic as queen as she was, Sefa the traitor wouldn't have been caught until, I don't know, three episodes in, at least. Gwen gets things done. 

And I felt I needed to point that out because of the "where did my sweet Gwen go? New Gwen is awful!" comments I see, and I don't understand them at all. New Gwen is the same Gwen, she's just got more to do, more business to take care of, and does it well. 

I really don't understand people who don't like Gwen. What reason could you possibly have? She's constantly kind and compassionate, funny in comic scenes, heart-wrenching in emotional scenes. She's brave, and devoted, and intelligent. She's the moral compass of the show, and there's no one who suits it more.

This is a character I love through every step of her journey. There are very few characters about whom I can truthfully say that, but Gwen is one of them. I love adorkable-totally-crushing-on-Merlin Gwen, and I love strategic-and-level-headed-and-regal Gwen and everything that happened in between. (Even when she was briefly brainwashed and villainous - I have to say, she was one of the most enjoyable villains on the entire show).

Anyway, those are my rather scattered thoughts about Guinevere, who she is, and why she's my favourite. If you actually read it, well, props to you, I guess. Now: full meme ahead! (It's a pun on full steam ahead.... hahaha.... I'll see myself out).

The 30 Day Meme: The Nightmare Begins

So I've been trying to find a way to use this blog the way I wanted to - ranting, analyzing, etc. Of course, the moment I make myself a proper space to do so, I completely run out of inspiration.

So, in an attempt to jump-start my activity here, I'll start with something that gives me prompts so that I can figure out my format. It's a 30 day meme.

And of course, I'm going to start with BBC Merlin. Because, as mentioned, I recently finished it and I need to resurrect it in my brain because I insist on loving things long after they're gone.

So the meme I'm doing is this one (with some of my own slight alterations due to the fact that this particular one was created long before the show had finished its run which doesn't quite square with the rather retrospective perspective I'd like to take):

Day 1 - Favourite female character

Day 2 - Favourite male character

Day 3 - Favourite episode

Day 4 - Favourite scene

Day 5 - Favourite quote

Day 6 - Least favourite character

Day 7 - Least favourite episode

Day 8 - Favourite Merlin moment

Day 9 - Favourite Arthur moment

Day 10 - Favourite Gwen moment

Day 11 - Favourite Morgana moment

Day 12 - Favourite Gaius moment

Day 13 - Favourite Uther moment

Day 14 - Favourite guest star moment

Day 15 - Favourite Great Dragon moment/line

Day 16 - Favourite villain

Day 17 - Favourite ship

Day 18 - Least favourite ship

Day 19 - Favourite friendship

Day 20 - Favourite guest star

Day 21 - Least favourite guest star

Day 22 - A scene that made you happy

Day 23 - A scene that made you cry

Day 24 - A scene that made you angry

Day 25 - Something that happened that you wish didn’t

Day 26 - Something that didn’t happen that you wish did

Day 27 - What your overall opinion was of Season One  Favourite season

Day 28 - What your overall opinion was of Season Two  Least favourite season

Day 29 - What you want for Season Three  Most visually stunning episode

Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy

Personally, I can't wait.

Welcome!

Hey, all! Welcome to The Unapologetic Nerd. I'm Megan, said unapologetic nerd.

So I created this blog because I have this huge tendency to go into profoundly detailed reviews, meta, and various other deconstructions about shows and books and whatever else I happen to be obsessed with. Only the thing is, no one I know cares to discuss this stuff with me. So the idea is I'll put it here, and hopefully hear some thoughts from other people as well.

I love stories, I study the structure of stories in my spare time, and I tend to be pretty analytical (though no less invested) when it comes to them. So if that's what you're into, please, join the club.

I go back and forth on various obsessions (a loose definition of the word "obsession"), and I suspect you'll be seeing a fair variety popping up, but lately, I'll probably be writing about BBCs Merlin (I just finished it, and in mourning my brain needs ways to resurrect it). I suspect I'll also write about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is almost synonymous with religion for me, and its spin-off Angel, as well as various other stories I'm slightly less hard-core about that pop in and out of my consciousness (Avatar: the Last Airbender, Firefly, Percy Jackson, Artemis Fowl.... just to name a few).

I also may stop being specific once in a while and address tropes and stories in general. Who knows? Anything could happen. It's a brave new world out there.

A note: I usually find it difficult to be concise during these deconstructions. I think that they're detailed enough to justify this, but, well... thought I'd offer a fair warning.

So, if you're down for a bloggy adventure with me, then great! I can't wait! And if that's not what you're into, then hey, that's cool. The nerd life ain't for everyone. But I won't apologize for it.

(See what I did there?)